know no English - Euro English

The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility.

  As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5-year phase-in plan that would become known as "Euro-English".

  In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy.

  The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of "k". This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.

  There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.

  In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.

  Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.

  Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent "e" in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.

  By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and " w" with "v".

  During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou"

  and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensibl riten styl.

  Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza.

  Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.

  Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas.

copy paste

What’s the time, please?
I don’t know, it changes all the time!
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paradox
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If you want to change, you have to change twice. You not only need to change the reality of your situation, you also need to change your perception of this reality.
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we today have situations that are equally inexplicable, but in different ways. The taps for water and for gas open in different directions. The keyboards on a calculator and a telephone are different—the line with 123 is the bottom line on a calculator, but it’s the top line on a telephone.
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In the country I had a dog, which used to take a sly pleasure in jumping over the garden fence and escaping into the neighboring fields. One day I decided to remove the ugly wire netting which no longer served any useful purpose. Imagine my surprise the next day when I saw my dog jumping up at the exact point where the fence had been, with the same sly pleasure (possibly to remind me that the French words for dog and cynicism come from the same root)? Before you laugh at him, think a moment! Maybe he’s laughing at us, incapable of getting out of the boxes that we make for ourselves, stuck in buildings which no longer exist, squatting inside fences which disappeared long ago, and shut inside imaginary walls.
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